never satisfied: a BLOG

Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 11:34 p.m.
jonas brothers - burnin' up

what the heck, jonas brothers? :D yes, i've fallen into that craze too. nick is an awesome singer, joe is the silliest guy on the planet, and kevin loves boots! :D ok, this is not an actual update, just wanted to take note of my tarot reading.

PAST (wands I): you were able to make a new start and follow through your plans by taking risks and having confidence in your own abilities. because you knew that things would work out for the best, you faced your fears and took a stand for what you wanted from life - seizing the initiative helped you to solve previous problems. your renewed enthusiasm meant that you were prepared to grab any opportunities that came your way - and you pushed yourself to the limit. work oppurtunities were good and you may have started a new career. you found it easy to complete everyday tasks and made enough space in your life to try some of he things that you'd always wanted to do. energized and full of optimism you realized there was no end to what you could achieve.

PRESENT (pentacles III - reversed): the main problem is that you simply don't have the skills for what you are trying to do. trying to get quick results means that you aren't looking at the quality of your work. some of what you aim at is simply out of your reach so you need to set your sights a bit lower. there's no way around it though - you have to work hard if you're going to get what you want. no one else can do it for you and the world won't take care of you unless you actually put something in yourself. you feel unappreciated and unnoticed, but such feelings are more to do with your attitude than what is going on in reality.

FUTURE (queen of pentacles): you will find it easy to create a warm and secure environment around you. you're the kind of person who will be ready to do anything for anyone. however, if you don't take care you could be taken advantage of. being able to handle problems matter-of-factly means that you'll act sensibly at all times and allow those around you to be themselves. you'll soon gain a reputation for being trustworthy, and people will feel happy confiding in you - they'll realize that you would never betray a confidence. whenever anyone is in need they will turn to you for help - and you will be more than happy to give it.

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Tuesday, August 19, 2008 - 02:58 a.m.
arashi - truth

when i was an avid H.O.T fan (i'm still a fan, don't forget that), i found the h5t forum. ahh, such a nice place. there were fangirls all over, but this one got on my nerves. she was the type to declare that her love for __member__ was neverending, and that she would "worship" him forever. then, i stumble upon a post she created in a community dedicated to said member, and she's selling off all her merchandise. wow. love is forever, hmm? that makes me wonder though...will we still be in the fandom 5 years from now? we're already in our twenties, and it's hard just to live from one day to the next without having to worry about love, happiness, money, and death. it seems that jpop is my means to escape, and without it, all i have is anger, loneliness, and boredom. why do i have to worry so much about work? why do i have to worry so much about school? we all end up dying anyway. work hard, live honestly, die first. there have been too many deaths this year. i still haven't recovered from the last one. how will i cope with all these people leaving? how can anyone smile after losing someone? is it because you have forgotten? i will never forget. that will be my biggest adversary. all this guilt. i wasted so much time. i didn't accomplish anything while you were still with me. now, i'm pushing my limits. i'm trying to be the best i can be. yet, you're not here to see me succeed. you're not here to comfort me when i fall. love is so painful. it seems i've made a mental checklist of all the things i should be accomplishing at this age, hoping to finish tasks before someone else leaves me. why is life so cruel? please, don't take anyone else from me. to lose another warm and caring person...to have their smiles, their laughter, their warmth disappear from this world is too much to bear. why was i so foolish before? even now, i feel that i haven't done anything significant. i'm still plain. i'm still working to prove my worth, my potential...i have no clue as to how high i can reach. why can't i figure it out? when will i be able to stop and smile and love?

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Tuesday, August 5, 2008 - 11:58 p.m.
imai tsubasa - do me crazy

holy shit. tsubasa performed DO ME CRAZY on shounen club...his hips. those polished dance moves. the translated lyrics by newshfan. i've died and gone to heaven. :D ok, tsubasa has mastered the "discreet sexy" technique because the dance moves are hot and the lyrics are suggestive, yet you're not quite sure if THAT is what he is implying. haha, well, it is, and everyone is completely aware, but you know what i mean. :P it's not the same as "trashy sexy" when you're singing about love juice and licking your hand and having someone give you a blow job on stage. *ahem* i don't know where all this spite came from. i used to adore akanishi. *sigh*

tropical storm edouard was quite the scare, but it didn't even flood here. school was canceled and nothing was open. it was a free day for everyone! i was planning on taking my online test today, but did absolutely nothing. :D it felt good. i hope the weekend will be fun. especially since i'm going to be with a couple of people i can't stand for 72 hours straight. i don't need any drama. please, higher being, aid me in watching my tongue while on this trip. i can't guarantee to play nice, but i can try to STFU.

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Saturday, July 26, 2008 - 11:35 p.m.
m-flo loves emi hinouchi, ryohei, emyli, YOSHIKA & LISA - love comes and goes

i want to procrastinate without feeling guilty. i want to visit home whenever i feel like. i want to read manga. i want to sell my TVXQ! merchandise. i want to find that kerori plush. i want to purchase that tackey & tsubasa calendar and not have to care that it'll burn a hole in my wallet. i want more money. i want to go to sea world with aracely, and maybe even naqi. i want to see cathy. i want to see jenny lam. i want to go to new york. i want to see elaine. i desire to do a billion things, but i can't because i'm worried about school. i have to finish this year. working so hard this summer has drained me. all i want to do is sleep. no matter what i do i can't concentrate. in my intro to art history class, there was a 3000-word essay due thursday. i haven't finished it. i actually started over, hoping that this second attempt will progress better than the last one. i started the essay on monday. i knew it was going to be difficult and tried to start early to compensate for future roadblocks, but it didn't get me anywhere. well, i also had a 1500-word essay for english due, and i turned it in on time. it's a pretty kick ass paper, too. :D what is with these intro classes? WHY ARE THEY SO DIFFICULT? T_T i studied for the art history test and made a 78. i think i'm all out of energy. i want to have sushi with jasmine. i want to get dinner with julie. i want to watch more chinese movies with the cousins. i want to buy a new mp3 player. i want to watch yamada taro monogatari. i want to see tsubasa's WWTP. i want to glomp aiba. i want to watch tv. my tv is unplugged. it's been like that for weeks now. i want to get a new cd system for my car. i want to get my windows tinted. i want to get new foglights. i want to get my car washed. i want to read pearls before swine. i want to read poetry and enjoy it without having to worry about analyzing it for a paper. too many wants, not enough time.

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Saturday, June 14, 2008 - 01:47 a.m.
KAT-TUN - HELL, NO

wow. a new japanese single from k! it's been a long time! it's called "play and pray." he's so hot in the PV. :D the song is a ballad, too slow for my tastes though. his eyes look so sad. i guess that's why his photos never showcase them. T_T i know it sounds superficial, but i'm sure his fandom would be more loyal if his eyes were more plastic. T_T his lips and teeth are so attractive, and his collarbone is sooo sexy. :D they sure know how to dress him!

i was so excited about KAT-TUN's new album and was so angry when i initially couldn't pre-order the limited edition, but i managed to pick up a copy from CDjapan. the only songs i like from the album are the singles. T_T the other songs don't have a strong enough rock sound, which is characteristic of most KAT-TUN songs. i also pre-ordered tackey & tsubasa's koiuta/progress single, and the covers were released afterwards. version C had the extra songs, so i purchased that one, only to find out that the cover was a plain, pinkish/purple color. T_T it's a ballad, and it hasn't stuck to me yet. i read that it claimed #2 spot on the singles oricon chart for the week it was released. they were beat out by greeeen. T_T every time there is a single/album release, takitsuba fans always watch the charts so closely and hope that they claim the #1 spot. i love tackey & tsubasa, but i hate how their releases are never "guaranteed" to be a #1 release like KAT-TUN's releases because i feel that KAT-TUN is losing their glitter. akanishi jin is still a favorite among many fans, but to me, he's lost his appeal. in DON'T U EVER STOP, the thing that bothered me most was the way he chewed his gum. while i was watching the making-of, i noticed some changes in kame and ueda compared to the only other making-of i'm aware of: signal. kame is more in tune with the other members; they're more on the same wavelength. i loved how they kept kame-ing him. :D ueda doesn't have that stand-offish persona anymore; he was laughing and interacting with the rest of the guys. nakamaru looks awkward when he dances. :D I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HIS SOLO SONGS. he tries so hard with his singing, it's hard not to smile when you hear him. :D i love taguchi's hair. it's the perfect color and cut. he's so handsome. yes, dorky as well, but that makes him all the more sexier. :D koki's stubble is gross. the chin hairs are too long!

the tackey & tsubasa promotion for koiuta has been awesome. it's been a long time since the last single release, and i love how they appear on all the shows, all at once. it's hard to keep track sometimes, but the extra stress in trying to keep up is worth it. :D tsubasa's hair is perfect now! :D comparing these new shows to previous appearances, he doesn't seem to be as awkward as he used to be, especially on HEY!HEY!HEY! :D he used to have a manner of speaking when he would cross his arms and draw himself inwards and attempt to nod as if he were confident, but it gave a vibe of uncertainty. of the handful of shows/clips i've seen so far, he hasn't once crossed his arms, and he's still as awesome as ever for picking on takki. <3 in the mechamecha iketeru clip, his playfulness is awesome. :D maybe his acting has gotten better? MORE DORAMA ROLES FOR TSUBASA, PLEASE! it's a must-download clip; you'll notice the differences between his mannerisms from junior days compared to now. :D michelle is so awesome about posting downloads, and CRAP TAKKI AND TSUBASA NEKKID ON UTABAN I HAVE TO SEE THAT NEXT OMG.

this seems to be a johnny's-centered post. :D i seriously didn't know that uchi was in the new dorama, osen. tackey & tsubasa's koiuta is the ending song! aww, my cutie honey uchi, you're still as handsome as ever. <3 i'm glad he's back in the media again, but it's sad how there hasn't been as many appearances from kusano. T_T koyama is hosting another show it seems. shige is holding one-man shows in upcoming months. tegomass just released the PV for their new single. IT'S REALLY CUTE AND TEGOSHI IS SO PRETTY I'M JEALOUS. wow. NEWS is really taking over the media. no info from me on yamapi because eww. haha. :D ryo-chan is in LAST FRIENDS and i was anticipating on watching it, but ZETTAI KARESHI has eaten my brain. :D i wonder how it'll end! the actor that plays tenjo night is so handsome! AND OMG NANBA-SENPAI? hahaha! his face is so perfect. he closely resembles matsumoto, but his features are more pleasing to the eye. matsumoto's mouth is awkward and when he smiles, he looks evil. :D

ok. school is really stressful because i enrolled in four classes. T_T i know, four classes for a 5-week semester is suicide, but i was so determined to graduate by winter of this year that i thought, what the heck? actually, it's only three classes because one lasts until august, but yeah. i'm doing ok so far...in my intro to physical anthropology class (i know, WTF, right? T_T), it seems that no matter how much i read/study, i can't make a decent grade. my first test score was a 70! i'm scared about my second test grade now. T_T there are online quizzes due every couple of days, and i've been doing poorly on those as well! i asked the professor about extra credit, and she politely told me that there were other oppurtunities on future tests to bring up my grade. omg. she covers so much information, but asks multiple, specific questions pertaining to one particular topic on the tests. it's a test of luck. T_T i'm still aiming for B+ and higher in these classes. is that too much to ask for? T_T

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